I know how you feel, you feel like you don’t have the time or the energy to do something special for yourself in fact you might even feel guilty about it. Worst of all you are constantly criticizing yourself in the mirror. Ugh, I’ve gained so much weight, these wrinkles, those stretch marks, blah blah blah. I did it to, then I decided you know what I am going to do something about it. I started exercising and eating right, I felt better I had more energy but it wasn’t good enough. I decided I was really going to get my butt in gear. I entered a bikini fitness competition, because there is nothing like the fear of getting up in front of hundreds of people to be judged on your body. I dieted I exercised I was exhausted and I was nearly broke, those supplements and organic foods are expensive! In the end I got through it, I was 108lbs the day before I got on stage I had never been so lean and mean in my life. But then I looked around at the competition my stomach fell to the floor and I went home devastated. All the other competitors looked amazing, I had 3 children and the stretch marks to show for it, i was older than most of them and I was plagued with a bad case of chicken legs. There I was in the best physical shape of my life and no one any has ever said meaner words than I told myself that night. My point is there are some women out there women like me and possibly you who bully themselves every time they look into the mirror. They focus on the negative and constantly compare themselves to other beautiful women. The funny thing is, the next day I won that competition. But I didn’t feel proud I felt embarrassed like someone had made a mistake. Even though I had worked my butt off, I stuck to my meal plan, I didn’t cheat once and I had practiced hours in front of the mirror perfecting my posing. Yet, I didn’t feel worthy. How could that be? I came home with more trophies than I could hold in my hands? It was because I was so used to criticizing my self that even when I changed the outside that voice in my head stayed the same.

Now almost three years later I am not at my peak fitness shape but I have never been happier or more accepting of my body. I change the way that I speak to myself, it was hard and it didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow process, every time I would insult myself i would be aware of it and change my attitude. I try to focus on my strengths and remind myself i am my own kind of beautiful. I treat myself with respect and with understanding and kindness. I realized that once you treat yourself with kindness its easier to be kind to others. The moment you open your eyes and see the beauty in yourself its easy to see it in others. Now, that doesn’t mean that mean critical inner voice is gone forever… no, no, no! Bad habits die hard, but every time that voice has something nasty to say I tell it to shut the hell up! So, what does this have to do with a photography shoot? Well maybe you need your own competition moment, the moment you see yourself through somebody else’s eyes or lens. That moment that serves as undeniable proof of the beautiful force that is you. That tangible trophy in your hand that could give you the realization or the courage to tell that nasty voice to shut it. Its because of my experience that I am so passionate about boudoir photography. I know how you feel, I know how nervous you are to bare it all in front of the camera. Every woman that I encounter is so different they have such different personalities but all of them feel vulnerable in front of the camera. They are nervous about how they are going to look some are even nervous about what Im going to think. Ill tell you what I am going to think… “you are beautiful and you are brave and I am proud of you”